its strange that when the topic of relational formation came up in one of my Comm 101 lectures, i immediately thought of my relationship with 4 of my friends, while everyone else seemed to have only BGR relationships on their minds.
as i examined my friendship with my these 4 girls, i began to identify with some of Knapp’s 10 stages of relational development.
Our friendship did not really have a stage 1, as we never felt the need to impress one another. Instead, we moved straight to stage 2, where we exchanged “cultural, social and psychological information”. In other words, we found out more about one another’s interests and family backgrounds, and were delighted when we saw how much we all had in common.
This new found ability to relate to one another saw us going out as a group more frequently. From spending our breaks in school together, to accompanying each other to meet prospective boyfriends, we were beginning to think of ourselves as a group. We also confided in each other, as it was a relief to finally find other people who understood our problems.
As we progressed onto stage 4, other people began to see the 5 of us as a single entity, and we were more than happy to be associated with one another. After a Dance & Drama performance, of which we were all involved in, we sat around a table in Swenson’s, sharing an enormous sundae. Eventually, we found ourselves trying to come up with a name for our little clique. Suddenly, one of us pointed to the menu and squealed, “Nibsters*!”
* the term used to describe chopped almonds in ice cream parlors.
Hence, we were known to the rest as the Nibs.
As for stage 5′s “public rituals”, we did not have much except for meeting for tea every week.
Every friendship has its ups and downs, and ours was no different. Conflicting opinions brought us right past stage 6, and into stage 7, where “communication was restricted to only safe areas”. We still had our lunches together, but we met only because we felt that it was necessary that we continue going through the motions of our friendship; an indication that we had entered stage 8.
Curiously enough, we went through a phase that was somewhat similar to stage 6′s”reaffirmation of identity”, where the group is no longer an “us”. Our case was different in the sense that we did not break off as 5 individuals, but rather as pairs. For example, I found myself keeping a distance from everyone in the group, except one girl. This girl would eventually be the only one from our little clique that I stayed in contact with in stage 9.
In stage 10, we all found different groups of friends when we started going to different schools in different countries. The relief or heartache that is supposedly characteristic of this particular stage was definitely present in me. I grieved for the loss of 3 friends (I was still very good friends with 1 girl) whom I had shared countless good times with; but part of me found that I was relieved that I no longer had to keep up the pretense of being on the best of terms of all the girls in the group.
So while it was fascinating, spotting all the similarities my friendship with these 4 girls had with Knapp’s model of relational formation, I also found that it was also rather disappointing to know that such an important phase of my life is just another typical example of interpersonal communication.
