According to my Comm 101 notes, “groups meet member’s interpersonal needs (ie: the need for inclusion, control and affection)”.
I, for one, agree that it is an intrinsic need for us to want to be part of a larger group of people. The need for inclusion often means sharing certain similarities with the other members of the group.
Similarity is one of the key factors in relational formation because it gives us the confidence to voice our opinions, knowing that our views will be supported by the rest of the group, since they are likely to be on the same side of the issue.Sharing similarities with other people also encourages communication, which may result in more time being spent with your conversational partner, bringing proximity (another element in relational formation) into the picture.
Although an increased amount of interaction with a person or a group can lead to a decline in the relationship, it normally gives rise to some forms of affection for the people (or person) you are in contact with.
If the relationship progresses far enough for you to have developed an affinity with the rest of the group, then chances are, you’ve already been initiated as the newest member of the clique. Having being inducted into the social circle of your choice, you should be able to command a certain degree of respect from your fellow group-mates. This will give you some control of the actions of the group and its members.
One movie, in particular, documents a young woman’s (Brittany) obsession to fit into her group of friends, and how it leads her to desperate measures to ensure her long term membership in that clique.
Brittany needs the three things that are mentioned in the Comm 101 notes; inclusion, affection and control. Being slightly pudgy when she was younger, she was ostracized by her sister’s group of friends; hence her need to feel like she was part of them after her sister’s mysterious disappearance. Affection came in the form of a romantic relationship, involving her and another member of the clique, who, quite incidentally, was the boyfriend of her sister. Having assumed her sister’s former position in the group as the leader, she was granted control over the entire clique. She decided where they would meet, what they would do, and personally saw over the induction of new members into a clique.
The movie is about how another young woman, Adrien, is drawn into the group and a complicated web of lies woven by none other than Brittany herself. I will not reveal the movie’s ending, so as not to spoil the fun of watching this gripping movie.
deadinside said
i think sometimes we try too hard to fit in. our desire to be part of a group causes us to do things that are irrational. in my opinion, relationships cannot be forced. it is sort of a natural progression and needs time to be built. we should just be ourselves, be nice to people, be willing to accept the differences of others, and then let the magic of friendship happen.
well. that’s just my humble opinion.